Yea so my fucking night was just wonderful... I found out it was fucking Natasha who left that comment so I guess she knows this is my livejournal. But thats ok we talked about it early on in the evening so I guess were ok w.e. Ryan called up Lisa and said he couldnt' go out, in addition Dana (my cousin) drank the everclear I paid for and "didn't have time" to fucking replace it. Thank you very much dana. Also even though I thought tonight was gonna be shitty, it got good, and then I got fucking assulted in Pauls backyard by this asshole who can't keep his hands to himself.
So nights events:
[x]me and Lisa go to my house throw back Vodka shots... we drank half the bottle... me most of it as Lisa spent the night nursing a screw driver but she was already fucked up on Wine and ciggs, and cloves.
[x] walked to minute mart alley and waged a search for the blunts (two blunts) i dropped the night before
[x] Ryan called- Walked Lisa from Mini Mart To the Circle by Bill osheas Ryan came out and got Lisa I said Merry New years to them both and then walked away
[x] walked half a mile from Circle to Lasalle ave and managed to get to Cyndi's house and FIND THE EXACT ADDRESS WHILE DRUNK! THAT IS SKILL!!!
Got to Cyndis...
[x] Kemar knew I was drunk seeing as I offered to feed him cake and the night before I was kicking him in the nuts. Dude didn't let up all evening with the fucking lines Asking if I wanted to kiss, did I wanna fuck a jamacian, could we go back to his house he had it all to himself all this shit and I was like: O good god go away I'm not that drunk and I never will be...
[x] Nick came down and Nick, wonderful Nick leans himself against the new gril Cyndis mom got for christmas and kncoks it over... BIG BANG yea so this prompts Cyndi to freak out and say everyone should probably go by 11:20 before 11:20 rolled around though we all smoked upstairs and I didnt' pay for the smoks but I only got a few hits of each blunt but added to my already drunkess I was pretty fucked up.
[x] Yea so this crazy guy Rob... I dunno a friend of Allisons he leaves his ciggs in Cyndi's room and I see them I pick them up I go: Look a pack of reds... everyone sees me pick up these fucking ciggerettes I open the box its a full pack- I don't smoke reds I smoke newports I put them fucking down I go: oh it's full putting it back
all night this fucking crazy bastard is looking for his ciggs and everyone says I saw Amanda with them he keeps asking me if I have them I go NO I DON"T FUCKING HAVE YOUR CIGGS. Finally 11:20 rolls around and I walk with paul to his house. Now I wasnt' aware there was any problem. It was Paul me and Nick and Kemar and somehow kemar and Nick and me got seperated from the group- Oh I wonder. Me and Nick passed our "spot" which I pointed out and he collapsed laughing. Kemar slapped my ass a number of times... I will kill him and avenge my goosed self tomorrow... Bah Freaking Jamacian...
Neway we get to Pauls. We all ushered in the New Year with Pauls parents and noise makers... I watched the ball drop./.. I don't remember it... We smoked PJS midnight blunt at Pauls. Everyone stays to smoke this blunt of PJS as were smoking I say to this kid Rob I was like: Hey I don't have your ciggs I checked I don't have them He goes: You fat fucking cunt lemme check your bag then YOUR SO FULL OF FUCKING SHIT LEMME CHECK YOUR BAG!
I'm like: Wtf!? you serious? I'm stoned right now I'm not letting you chekc my bag I appologized fuck you
He's like: you lying cunt everyone at the party saw you take them I know you fucking have them LEMME CHECK YOUR BAG
I was like: Yea Everyone at the party saw me with them I picked them up.. AND THEN I PUT THEM DOWN!
he was still yelling lemme check your fucking bag and I was like: LOL NO! and he's like: Yea you don't have them but I can't look in your bag if you don't have them how come I can't look in your fucking bag you crusty cunt (very insulting ruining my high nicely stupid prick)
I was like: Why can't you look in my bag? Because personally ya fucking asshole I don't like your tone. Look you want me to give you $$ for your fucking Ciggs if it gets you to leave me the fuck alone then fine but I"m not giving you my fucking bag.
He basically sits in chair being a douche the rest of the smoke. We finish up PJ and Brian go out front for a stooge and LUCKILY FUCKING LUCKILY I stayed outside with Chris and Dana my next store neighbor ... like thank fucking god they were there seriously. Fucking Rob I don't know what he took or what he fucking drank but he went fucking ape shit. I was standing up I remember that adn I was enjoying my high and I don't know what happened... He went after my bag and he was screaming some crazy shit about him getting his ciggs back.
So he grabs my bag my shits flying everywhere cuz that bag doesn't zipper or anything it's and open pouche bag. So I'm being whirrled the fuck around trying to get my bag back from him he's fucking pushing me around and Dana and Chris can't believe whats happening it like happened too fast for them to realize and apparently Chris new this Rob person and couldnt' believe what he was fucking doing. Robs pulling my shit all over teh place I'm smacking him he's actually smacking me I'm going: Get the fuck off of me oh and out of all the shit strewn about the lawn his fucking ciggs weren't in there lOOK AT FUCKING THAT!
Then THE only fucking reason he stopped was bc Chris fucking restrained him and he still wouldn't let go of my bag, I mean I was hitting the guy with my cell phone, I kicked him in the fucking chest he like half cried half screamed: Don't KICK ME
It was just insane and I was left have fucking sober, shaking and Dana was like hugging me she helped me pick up my shit my fucking wallet and of course rob that douche spilled beer all over my scarf. I went home I'm ok NOW but when I got home I started crying cause just everything I was feeling it was too much when I 'm stoned I totally just fucking let loose and started crying in my moms arms. I hate that fucking kid if I ever fucking see him again (he cursed me as I left pauls) I'll fucking kill him. Let him come near me when I'm not fucked up see what fucking happens.
Mike was standing on the front lawn so I knew it was Cyndis house when I got there at 9:45 and then natasha came.. I think were all cool now we talked and shit and I explained why i said what I said and how i was stoned and pissed and then I made it private... but still... Natasha gave me this Vodka thing in a beer shaped bottle it was really good I dunno if they were her's or not but it was very good. Plus I got in on two blunts they were smoking and I smoked with my new bowl and BROKE THAT SHIT IN!!! THAT WAS AWESOME. All this time Lisa was at Ryans house.
Merry Christmas to everyone whose actually enjoying this stupid holiday. IT fucking sucks! I am in such a shit sour mood it's not even fucking funny. Christmas comes but once a year and thank fucking god... I coodn't take more of this. I've spent the last three hours writing depressing poetry. Maybe Christmas is good after all it gives such good inspiration against this bullshit... bah... I want a cigg.
So completely nervous it's not even funny. We have auditions in about fifteen minutes. Me and Lisa aren't leaving until later though because we have a later audition call. We probably won't go on until 8:15 which sucks but w.e. SOOOO nervous. I'm glad I dont' have to do a lot of work because tomorrow we have the trip for italian club. Of course were going to Fishers for the coffee afterwards- what a fucking crappy idea I really wish we were going to mama javas... it's like: cheap crappy coffee served to you by the same people that brought you Orange MEAT or MAMA JAVAS with AWESOME green couches and PICKLES!!!! PICKLES ARE GOOD- even if I do have a new quota of three a day.
I really hope I don't get freaking stage fright and forget my words or anything cuz I've been known to get jittery on occasion.. yea... once or twice... Bah... and no one wish me good luck because your messing with my head like you have NO idea.
Special event of the week: Me n Lisa r going smoking and drinking with the ULTIMATE SEX GOD WOOT!
If we ever did X together we'd have so much sex... I need a sex song... something to be my theme song ... YEP
Today was ok. Massive amount of school work to make-up and it sucks. I shouldn't even be posting right now but I'm too all over the place to concentrate right now. I fucking HATE nick and the BS he's pulling right now. Saying we had this giant three some- BULL SHIT we did. His did isn't big enough for one girl. fucking hate him. He's screwing everything up, and Lisa didn't do anything wrong. I have to get fucking put down thats chill I kinda deserve as much but she really doesn't and she really didn't do anything except dump his cheating nasty skanky ass and he's gonna trash talk her? O hell no it doesn't work that way. Well fuck him he doesn't know about the "ring" The one fucking ring- lol the day we found it so good- he doesn't know what we have access to and if he wants to play immature games then by all means we can do things that way. Fuck him and his stupid attitude and his smelly puffy coat.
Alcohol is goood. Dennis wanted to do his little drinking thing so bad but his precious friends couldn't come out so he fucked me over real nicely. He asks me to buy him beer and then doesn't want to come out b.c Amanda n Annalisa won't be there.. SO fucking WHAT GROW A PAIR!
He owes me money now. Dana picked me up and we smoked in the car I got a free puff that was very affective. Went into Shop right and bought Raw Cookie Dough and proceeded to eat it raw.
Dana bought me my Rum and dennis's beer and I had the vodka at home. Lisa comes over- Dennis doesn't want to so he decides to pick up his beer at 1... little shit...
So then Lisa comes over and I wind up talking to Luigi for two hours- WHICH I ENJOYED EMENSELY
He says sweet things when I don't expect it and I appreciate them. Like him saying He misses our 12 hour conversations and the fact that he calls even though he has a bitchy catholic girlfriend and then totally says he misses talking to me... yea they kinda make me melty.. I didn't expect him to stay in contact and he did... I'm happy i finally have someone in my life (person wise) who doesn't try to be a douche and who isn't an asshole.. and who can still deal with all my crap on a daily basis <3
Neway than Chrissy says her and Big dave and Tyler are all at Mama Java's and say they can't come drink by my house (and I don't know when my moms comming home) so we brought the alochol to them; Mixing a large coke bottle with Run and filling a water bottle up with vodka. The only thing cokeish about the Run and Coke was the fucking color. Solid rum with a pinch of coke it was delightful... I have more Rum left... MWHAHAHAHA
We all drank and Chrissy and Mike added Vodka to thier Peach snapple. John sang Friends in Low Places- which was really surprising but quite enjoyable props to John for managing to get to the mike past the MASSIVE crowd in the shop- and than Big Mike was crazy drunk and he's like: AMANDA AMANDA AMANDA AMANDA AMANDA AMANDA n I'm like: WHAT!!! WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY NEED!!
Tyler and me played card games which was fun and then me and Lisa walked quitely home to answer to the wrath of her ANGERY MOTHER!!
Note: Vodka and Raw Cookie Dough DO NOT MIX... But Rum and Raw Cookie dough Do.. so YEA
Today was beyond awesome. We went to New York with Brinker. Took a bus and it didn't even rain until the end of the day which provided for beautiful walking weather for us.
Me and lisa sitting on the bus and I go: Did you take your CD player? Lisa: why it's only 20 mins to NY
Rush hour in Jersey via Lincoln tunnel? Yea twenty minutes my lily white ass. An hour and a half later we finally just GOT to the Lincoln tunnel when Lisa (who hogged MY cd player the whole time) looks down at my pants in absolute fright and starts like screeching yea so the BIONIC spider FLEW INTO THE MOVING BUS WINDO AND LANDED ON MY LAP!! MOTHER FUCKER JUST KEPT CRAWLING ALONG!
I stand up and shout Lisa stands up and shouts than Ashley and Jamie realize we didnt' kill it and they stand up and shout we can't find the freaking spider were all bugging out- a happy time it twas not.
Finally we get to New York and it's like five past 9:30 and The teacher says we can all walk around as long as we get back to the Christmas tree spot by 10:20... well hell we all went to Time Square.
Dennis, Amanda (delo), Ashley, Jamie, me and Lisa. We got so many great pictures. Marveled at sky scrapers went into Toys R Us, and then there was the whole smoking fiasco...
First Dennis started lighting up and then Ashley told him to throw it out so stupid ass actually did (NEWLY LIT and HE CHUCKS IT! I WANTED TO KILL HIM!) so we keep walking me and Lisa light up (Ny NOTE: Cop on every street corner) AND than dennis decides to re-lite his cigerette and keep it in his puffy coat sleeve... which later caught fire... hehehe
Ashley and Jamie are busy posing for a picture when they see the very sudden very large amount of smoke were all producing... yea that was the end of that. WE all took turns fending them off as they tackled us trying to get the ciggs...
Ashley came after me and than Amanda tried taking a picture and ahsley and me stop mid struggle to look over and pose than we continued trying to kill each other... so cute*
Finally we reach Toys R Us and go in... look at the pretty ness and decide to leave. Of coure everyone uses the normal exit while me and Lisa get stuck in the revolving doors. Lisa: WHY ARE THEY STOPPING!!
Me: I DUNNO!!
LISA: MAKE THEM MOVE!!
::MOVING DOORS IN OPPOSITE DIRECTION::
RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now we had to be back there at 10:20... it was only 9:44 when DENNIS N ASHLEY fucking hypocondriacts decided to start walking back b.c they think it's gonna take so FUCKING long... which was pissing me off. ALl me and Lisa wanted to do was walk around the corner to get some freaking salty nuts- Ashley starts saying how we are never gonna get back in time and they all just walk off without me and lisa.
Me and lisa are like: FUCK THEM and go and get some nuts anyway. We walk back around the building after taking half a fucking second to get the peanuts and ashley and them are all still thier cursing us off- I'm like; FUCK U
We walked back found our way fine and arrived at exactly 10:05!! THIS WAS AFTER ASHLEY AND THEM STOPPED SO THEY COULD GET NUTS THEMSELVES B.C OURS WERE SO GOOD! GAH
Than we went to Radio City Music hall and watched the Christmas show and then we went out to eat ... in a weird restaurant and then we went home and kicked it at Mama JAva's... all and all a fabulous day
This week was pretty good. Monday was kinda borning with a full day of school but than on Tuesday me and Lisa took a trip with the Choir group to go singing- the only bad part was the cheap school wouldn't get a bus and we had to walk... in the pouring rain... which wasn't fun, but afterwards we went to Mama Java and "accidentally" ran into BIG BIG dave who apparently "is falling for lisa" which is ok because, again, apparently, "he isn't going to let the 'reality of the situation' destroy his feelings for her. Hey ass, the reality of the situation is that she never even hinted at liking you... b.c ur freaky rapist boy who tries shit when the girl isn't AT ALL Interested and you do gay things like swallowing an already smoked up blunt b.c u thought it would be so funny. Jackass. Whatever.
Me and Lisa: "Were sixteen we don't want protection we want ass!" HELL YEA! LOL after choir thing ended at around 3 we went over to Mama Javas and dried off. John fed us pickels and chocolate milk ::yummy ness:: Lisa n me had the ultimate foot war over who got the leg rest on MY GREEN CHAIR- she has her own green chair dammit! BAH!
Otherwise everythings been pretty normal... yea expect for me telling me mom I had sex with someone and getting into that whole thing.
Me: NO WONDER TEENAGERS COME OFF AS SUCH DOUCHE BAGS WE CAN'T TELL OUR PARENTS ANYTHIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mom: ::stirring soup:: *how cliche'- "Wait parents are douche bags?"
Me: NO!!! ::screaming increasing outta frustration:: I SAID TEENAGERS COME OFF AS DOUCHE BAGS B.C WE CAN'T TELL OUR PARENTS ANYTHING! GAH!!!
MoM: ::shrewd look:: Your not wearing the rubber bands on your braces are you!
Me: GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::BURY FACE IN PILLOW!
Good Day. Went to Momma Java's and hung out with LIsa- ate food- SO GOOD and talked things over with her.
[x] micheles been absent like the last three days of school [x] Choir... phlem... thge sickness has returned.... [x] wanna smoke [x] xmas shopping [x] New York [x] "its time that he realized, and maybe it's time that I realized too that... we can't be like we were. It's all just different now... everythings just so very different now."
Yea I really love having the family all together for thanksgiving- Fucking not. Jesse apparently gets free rights to hitting me now. I hate him with such a passion it’s not even describable. Ya know my fucking mother trains the little douche to be her god dam lap dog and fucking jump (or in this case beat) on command, and she gets surprised when he goes to hit her. Well what did you expect? You’re his mother and you failed BIG TIME he looked to you for guidance and you taught him it was alright to hit defenseless people if he thought it over and decided it was well deserved- well gee asshole did it ever cross your mind you pathetic excuse of a person that, maybe just maybe, he wasn't fit to make such judgments? He possesses nothing remotely close to being wisdom and he's a coke addict to boot: coke + Jesse= ANGER. My family puts the DYS-in dysfunctional.
Of course the fact that Jesse almost hit my mom got my dad involved. He of course comes running when it's my mother getting hurt. Jesse that little pricks been beating the shit out of me for what… seven some odd years? And does anyone do anything about it? Does anyone decide to maybe sit sharon down and have a talk with her about how its wrong to teach your son to beat your daugter just so you won't have to deal with being a mom- cuz ur to god dam busy? NO, course not-let’s just always have little family chats that show Jesse 'the error of his ways'-bullshit. So daddy dearest gets involved and he actually said to me: " I told your brother not to touch you, he's 21 now and I can call the cops on him so he won't do it again (unlikely) but you know that if he ever really hurt you he'd be in big trouble."
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN IF HE EVER REALLY HURT ME? WHAT THE FUCK QUALIFIES AS BEING REALLY HURT DAD WHY DON'T U FUCKING TELL ME PLEASE! WHAT IS IT GETTING FUCKING SMASHED ACROSS THE FACE? NOT BEING ABLE TO TURN MY FUCKING NECK FOR THREE DAYS? How about having so many fucking bruises on your god dam body it hurts to turn over? How about getting asked why your arms all swollen- or why your limping, or maybe seriously injured just means all the fucking times I get slammed into a wall. I hate this fucking house. I really do.
Yea so another turkey day is here again. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I actually think I like this holiday, its when everyone can just get together and chill and we get to eat a huge amount of food (big ITalian family :) I'm over my dads right now and his gf Kathys with him. She's kewl and I got to play with thier new puppy max (SO INCREDIABLY CUTE) he likes to chew on things though... while I'm WEARING them... which we'll have to fix. It was so cute though. My dad owns this incrediably big green pillow that like covers the entire floor and I was lying on it and I had to get up to take out the garbage and I come back n there's max all chilling on my pillow just like: yea its mine now. HE's so cute, he's only three months now but we can tell by the way his paws are that he's going to be HUGE in a matter of months. Wait until he reaches his full height- god he's gonna be gigantic.
On a more non-puppy related note: HOLY SHIT WAS LAST NIGHT CRAZY
MY brother and mother suck and i got into a huge fight with both of them. SOmetimes I really hate her. She has no right getting JEsse involved in stuff that has to do with me and her. N jesse he's not thinking lemme help her he's thinking lemme beat the shit outta her until she listens. Because thats the way he is. Thgats way my dad USE To be n its teh way he is now. SO of course he comes down the stiars and takes her side and whatever. I just don't get it my mom gets mad that I'm walking around and shit and alwats out on the street so I ask her for a ride and than she says that her hairs wet so she can't and I ask her I ask her fucking nicely if she can dry her hair using that FUCKING invetion the hair dryer.
And seriously I don't care if I have to walk to Mama JAva's but the point is she was the one that mentioned she hated me staying out all night and just "aimlessly walking around town" so please tell me where its my fucking fault that I require a ride. I said I would walk she's the one screaming about getting Jesse. I didn't want Jesse to drive me. I would rather walk in the fucking rain thank you very damn much.
Than me and her are going at it and now all I wanna do is LEAVE like REALLY but Jesse of course goes and chimes in. He starts yelling were all yelling I get thrown against a wall she doesn't do anything: Jesse I don't want you hitting your sister She said it camly and that was her contributation to stopping it. Than he's in the shower and LIsa calls and I'm like: YEa i don't think I Want to go out. I really just wanna stay in, but than I hear Jesse comming towards my room screaming for me and I"m like: YEa I'm comming out nM meet ya at mini mart. So Jesse bitches at me for half an hour and I can't even get away because convientally as he's bitching at me he's on top of me so... yea...
He goes to take a shower, and I go downstairs. My mom mean while decides to talk to me she goes: I'm sorry I'm like mentally: u fucking asshole you get the shit knowcked out me by your god dam goon- my BTOHER- all so you don't have to go out and now your sorry. Than she gets up and trys to hug me and than she decides it really doesn't matter and dries her hair so she can drive me.
I left while she was drying her hair and JEsse was in the shower, I met up with Lisa at the high school.
Now as a rule I don't like smoking when I' upset but an oppurtunity presented itself and I was like: whatever. It was either that or spend my night crying at Mama Java's. I was sitting in thier with Lisa and we were talking and I was like an inch away from crying over how frustrating the whole thing is. NOt so much because I'm upset, I don't do the whole feeling sorry for one self pity thing, but just b.c there really isn't anything I can do. Jesse's gonna be 21 and he's like huge compared to me I can't exactly hit back an what am I suppose to do start a fist fight with my mother? Theres just like nothing that can be done it sucks. I can't wait til I'm 18 my moms not even getting my telephone #. Anyway at Mama Java's we met up with Nick this kid ... frank?... and we all walked to Subway where we saw NONZIO!! Nonzio had a 20 and I made this water bottle bong and Nonzio was like: we don't have any foil
... I was like: U have no foil in a subway? GAH!! GImme a pen cap!
It was some crazy shit we smoked in like ten seconds and than we saw Ryan with Shingo and than we left to go home. Kind of a waste but still. THan I got sick outta my mind this morning and like puked all over - I think I might actually be allergic to pot I really might... weerdness...
O good Turkeys done
Happy Thanksgiving everybody! aww max fell asleep on my foot... little cutie... ;)
Random much? Dana just called to see if she cood smoke in my backyard... I just out of nowhere wound up going outside n smokin in my backyard where it was very cold n FREAKIN windy n than me n dana n ant got in the car... intent upon getting more pot. We dropped ant off n we found out we coodn't get nemore pot n we drovce around jsut me n her n we stopped at shell to get ciggs n than we Drove TO NEW YOKR!! ALL AT LIKE 2 AM IN THE MORNING!! WE DROVE TO NEW YORK!!! NEW YORK CITY!!!! It was spectacular!! I LOVED IT!!! EVERYTHING WAS LIT ANDI WAS BURNT AND IT WAS SO GREAT!!! xoxoxoxoxox but i coodn't tell someone about it b.c they had to go call the blue ball girl.. so bah just bah
Yea bah... celebrated with dad's side of the family. Definitely the better of the two celebnrations... maybe cuz his side of the family isn't a bunch of assholes. I played with my younger cousin Gabby who I usually hate but shes actually ok we played scattergorey with this chick Katlin who I think I'm related too- dunnno- n we played scrabble, n I had a fun day I even laughed>> more than once. So yea that was fun. Omfg there was so much food, every italian dish imaginable minus some fish dishes was on my aunts Table n there were three cakes - Three- LARGE cakes mine was the best cannoli cream ::so good::
Yea so Didn't smoke all weekend out of FEAR and than tried smoking with my friends and that totally backfired so I wound up smoking with Dana and Valerie... I think Valerie critisized me about blowing *someone *.... yea... so then I got dropped off in front of the Heights Saloon so I could go hang out with htat very same *someone and I definately said more than I should have... heh heh oops... Luigi of course calls me when I'm high outta my mind so I try calling him back n his mother (it was only 10 o'clock when I called)who I am so sure hates me sed he was sleeping. I mean he probably was but I still think his mom hates me. Then she told me to go to bed n i was just like: ok ... small meek little voice...
So I didn't get to talk to him than but I got home from being out with Nick, Kemar, Wendo, n Trotter n I was the only girl which was kinda scary n all those FUCKING FLASHERS kept trying to pull thier dam pants down o an HA HA fucking LA for some weerd reason they were tryin to convince me to blow nick for giving me free hits... when... he hadn't... I smoked before I got there n yet somehow Wendo goes: NO u shood blow him b.c he gave u free hits n than Nick kept tryin to be cute n flirty n kept tryin shit by falling on me n crap n i was like: no NO NOOOO!! BAD DOG NO!
But for tonight we did the family party thing and I didn't even smoke today ( so proud really) yea the b-day gift list is as follows: upcomming bash @ mount Fuji for sheep n frendz, $500+ of various items which I have exchanged or recieved in cash, a treaadmill (luigi shutup lol), n SO MUCH FUCKIN JELWERLY! Beautiful amazing jelwerly~ but still.
outta the cash I figure:
$120 on my shrooms $10 on my x $60 on my bowl...
Life is good...
and that leaves me with $75 to spend on drugs cuz I'm savin the rest of it for X-mas $$
life is pretty dam good right now if I do say so myself...
ended my nite by talkin to Lisa n Luigi--- weerd best female friend best male friend both have L's n they are very much alike weather they realize it or not... but still....
Celebrated my b-day over by my grandmas with my mom n aunts. the day blew large chunks of ass n mayonaise. Just plain sucked balls. Jesse brought his dog Mya over n she's so cute only nice part of the day and made it worth going over to my grandma's house. My mom spent the day comparing me and my brother when we were younger saying how when he played sports he was so good n than when I played sports, and I qoute: "We would watch amanda n we would Howl (hand and facial expressions included) WE WOULD possitively HOWL the ball would go one way and amanda wood go the other n she would ask the coach to take her out of the game n me and the other team moms would laugh."
I actually didn't remember that asshole showing up for remotely ANYTHING that envolved her being a parent but heh whatever. Than my grandma brings out this newspaper clipping of some girl who i knew in Pre school (who I don't remember) n I dunno this girls won something having to do with a miss teen contest n my grandama goes into a nice big thing about how if I wasn't so fucking fat i cood be doing that (those were her words) n than she says I shoodn't have that much birthday cake O n than she tells me how I shood remember Janelle (the girl from Pre-skewl) cuz I had called her hosue n her father sed he didn't want me calling again (again somewthing I don't remember).
So yea than I call my dad to tell him how we have to re-do that cell project n he asks when is it due n I told him AGAIN how its due Monday n he says that unfourtanely theres just no way we can get that done. This comming from a guy who told me about how his GIRLFRIENDS DAUGHTER NEEDED HELP ON HER PHSYCOLOGY EXAM PAPAER N HE HELPED HER DO IT N STAYED UP TIL 11 AND THAN SLEPT OVER N THEN GOT UP AT FIVE TO HELP HER FINISH A FUCKING 30 PAGE PAPER ON THIS SHIT BUT HE CAN'T HELP ME BUILD A CELL BECAUSE IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG. WOW
[x] to commemorate my birthday I blew some guy when I was high... I feel like hoezilla... not to mention ne of the underlying circumstances
[x]um yea one of the hims told her* he loved her* the same night I blew him
[x] I had a slight smei circle of happyness created by spending a large unhealthy amount of time up in my room by myself listening to the new No Doubt song... I made a tiny little semi- circle of OKness where I cood deal with shit... n lets see... look over there... and yep yep... that wood be a bug crawling into my circle... n yep it's a giant fucking roach... n not the kind i can smoke either...
[x] the second him... everything concerning him is conmming into perspective and I was so fucking wrong about it all; i'm just sick from it > > how could I be so wrong about every little thing? None of it was even real I'm guessing i must have mostly just made things up about it & probably added random things that didn't even happen in my mind and say they happened b.c I inherited the crazy from my mom ... It's like I'm actually seeing everything for the first time and I was such a fucking idiot... its like looking in a mirror and sloshing the relfective surface of the glass with murky water... watching it slide down? Thats what this is like i can't see nething clearing at all and it really sux... when I think I'm seeing things clearly it turns out just ot be an illusion... my stupidity disgusts me...
The happy: Heh heh Sheep cleaned up nicely for her birthday. $240 in total from the Aunt n Granny $1,000 (estimated vaule) of a mommys gift my diamond necklace, Earings from my dads girl friend, $40 from my dad (plus his family chipped in for the really BIG gift which I love) and I still have more comming ( BWHAHAHA) yea so good day.
The bad: With perspective comes heartache- I am an idiot- i really can't believe how I could see all these things that weren't really there. I put so much empahsis on things that weren't real I made up so much shit that I can't even comprehend it all being a lie. He may have been the best but he deserved better than me....
O n the best part of it all was that he said I love you to her... he told her I love you n than he let me blow him.... WOW
WOOT! THIRTY MINUTES AND COUNTING UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY SO far niceness $40 from my mom which I've already spent on drugs, these cute Angel things and a beautiful diamond necklace worth at least athousand dollars that my dad gave my mom forever ago and now she's giving it to me. I want to wear it for tomorrow... WOOT Let's see so far: Smoked Friday, Spent Saturday burnt from Friday, Smoked Sunday, and Smoked Monday: Anybody else seeing a pattern? Good day biatch
Weerd crappy night. Not at all that good. Well... sorta...
Halloween was suppose to rock but of course ashley n jamie fucking ruined it. Me and Lisa ditched ashley n Jamie to go smoke with Nick n Kemar. While we were smoking we realized we were cutting things close cuz we were suppose to go to the movies n wwatch the grudge in costume... So while were walking around waiting for Nick to get our dutch and shit I call Jamie I keep trying to call her n trying to call her but all I got was static n I still think it was just her going: CHHHHHHHH
Neway we finally get through to her on my phone or lisa's (I forget) n all the assholes were already at the movies n they'd left without us. Than they turned it into this whole big fucking thing... I reallyl oved how they changed thier story seven hundred fucking times.
First they were at the movie theater n in the theater n they didn't have enough money left over to go buy me n Lisa tickets until we got up there assuming her mother cood drive.... Than they weren't in the theater yet just outside it and they hadn't even gotten online yet b.c for some unknonwn reason they just KNEW that there wasn't enough tickets for me n Lisa. Than thye changed thier story to we coodn't come b.c the movie theater was sold out.
Than we lost contact n me n lisa were pissed n I don't believe a word of this bullshit b.c I think Jamie n ashley are being assholes.
than they call back n say there going to Paramus n that there all sold out in Clifton.... yea me n Lisa had called Paramus already n Paramus wasn't showing a time at 8 o'clokc when thier movie was supposedly starting so yea they were jsut lying to keep us from even getting to the movie theater.
They both fucking suck asshole.
that left me n lisa to go smoke with Kemar and that sucked too....
kemar kissed me.... I didn't like it... he doesn't no wtf he's doing....
I wound up having to use luigi as a fuckin excuse.... which i shoodn't have had to do in teh firrst fucking place.
We all smnoke n lisa n Nick go off to go touch ... each... other n I"m left ther with Kemar n Kemar goes like: U wood never want to hook up with me?
Cuz I'd sed the previous night I didn't... on mischief night...
I was like: YEa....
We made small talk... all of a sudden he's by my ear n he's saying something n I didn't hear him cuz I'm high n than he goes: can I show u something I'm like: What?
Yea... he kissed me....
Tried... repeatedly to get him off of me... Lisa had to come help
she's awsome by the way <3 <3 <3
Totally got the fuck off of me seeing as I was a little to high to get out from under the fuck- he pinned me against a wall... bah
Than he's all like whispering one little kiss... I did not enjoy this shit.... Luckily we got to get away from them n got home... we chilled (me n lisa) at lisa's house for a while n than SHE REALLY wanted to go back out to see Nick n luigi called but I coodn't fucking talk to him :*(
So I had to go hang out with Kemar again while Lisa hooked up with Nick... of course Kemar tried shit again... yea he got kicked in the balls.... but since the fukcer is 6'2 n I'm only 5'4 I got his knee n fucked that up- teaches the fucker right....
Now its 2 am I ahvent' slept n I'm SOOO tired n I've been sitting here doing HW since I got home at 11 it fuckin sux
N worse tomorrow I have to deal with Ashley n Jamie
Bah... all I wanted to do was talk to fuckin Luigi tonight b.c he called N i barely ever get too n freakin Lisa woodn't let me (not that I blame her at the time) BUT STILL
He wooda cheered me up with the K-mart joke about Kemars name n i woodn't have been nearly as grouchy as I am Right now... BABA
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readbtwthelines's journal
ditzy
I crave Nicotine
Near Drunk
okay
burnt
sick
giggly
frustrated